January 23rd, 2006
- The Head Shop - Cincinnati, OH; 1976
- Hair Vegas - Port Richey, FL; 1982
- Hair on Earth - Tallahassee, FL; 1996
- The Grateful Head - San Francisco, CA; 2002
- Every Six Weeks - San Francisco, CA; 2005
January 23rd, 2006
- a lot of hippies are selfish, unpleasant, and not particularly funny
- people who argue well aren’t necessarily right
- cars are kind of a weird thing to spend a lot of money on
- people will do things for you if you ask them as a favor
- angry waiters totally do things to your food
January 23rd, 2006
- Wal-Mart’s everyday low prices
- those accursed speakers of truth at Fox News
- the bodacious racks of our many former child stars
- those delicious steak fries
- Bladder Buster Thursdays at that one place near campus
January 23rd, 2006
- GTR
- Mike & the Mechanics
- Damn Yankees
- USA for Africa
- Power Station
January 11th, 2006
- your doggie
- your 12-string
- your new Nikon
- your puppet friend
- Dianetics
January 11th, 2006
- Jerry Lewis
- Burt Bacharach
- Bill O’Reilly
- Rickey Henderson
- Little Richard
January 11th, 2006
- Ofeibea Quist-Arcton
- Nguyen Qui Duc
- Sylvia Poggioli
- Hermione Gee
- Carol Anne Clark-Kelly (four first names!)
January 11th, 2006
- Madonna - Borderline
- Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
- Counting Crows - Angels of the Silences
- Michael Jackson - Off the Wall
- Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
January 11th, 2006
- Roger Whittaker
- Bobby McFerrin
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- my friend, Thomas
- Ray Milland
January 11th, 2006
- call brand gin
- AAA Plus
- the large sake
- the upgrade on Alaska Airlines
- room service coffee
December 1st, 2005
- March of the Fornicating Bonobos
- March of the Child-Bearing Male Seahorses
- March of the Masturbating Chimps
- March of the Husband-Eating Mantises
- March of the Bearded Bachelors in Chaps
December 1st, 2005
- Write a short how-to
- Start your title with a number
- Talk about del.icio.us
- Encourage people to “spread the word”
- Embrace recursion
November 15th, 2005
- Incredulous field greens dancing on a ladder of parched lemon rind, served with tamarind glacé ($38)
- Pan-asian calf leavings, dolloped en croute with cilantro-rose butter reduction ($46)
- Polenta cash register, filled with walnut-barley rice pyramids, lightly dusted with Tang® ($67)
- Artisan Rinds of Pork ($19)
- Single 20-dollar bill served raw, with alternating dipping stations of wasabi and aioli ($87)
November 15th, 2005
- pre-huggable cutiebunchkins
- unrealized attorney
- The Lord’s compulsory intercourse receipt
- untapped angel cluster
- ante-baptized believer cells
November 15th, 2005
- Judith Miller
- Henry Rollins
- Barbara Ehrenreich
- Sandra Tsing Lo
- Robert Reich
November 15th, 2005
- non-quill pens
- manmade flooring
- store-bought ketchup
- tetanus shots
- inferior, mass-produced toilet paper
October 31st, 2005
- The stupider your ringtone, the longer it will take you to answer your phone.
- The twin miracles of childbirth and pet ownership render you unable to share one photo of anything.
- If your vanity license plate makes any reference to the make of your vehicle, the people you work with despise you.
- Ph.D.s who ask to be called “Doctor” should be prepared to refer to every college graduate as “Bachelor.”
- If you own more than one Enya record you might as well buy all of them and make a little fort.
October 31st, 2005
- that he might enjoy one blessed Matlock without needing to get up and make water
- immediate death of that harlot Shoney’s waitress with the filthy mouth on her
- ability to recall where he’s left his dag-goned pills
- neighbor kid with the loud rap music delivered a plague of boils (or possibly locusts and frogs)
- that he be granted one last chance to beat that pussy, Dukakis
October 31st, 2005
- Dr. Worm
- Man, It’s So Loud in Here
- They’ll Need a Crane
- Birdhouse in your Soul
- Don’t Let’s Start
October 31st, 2005
- Wall Street fat cats
- mainstream media (MSM)
- those bastard do-nothings back in DC
- Hollywood liberals
- New York jewry