5ives http://www.5ives.com Merlin's Lists of Five Things Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:04:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 en This is an XML content feed. It is intended to be viewed in a newsreader or syndicated to another site. Five terrible fake Jane Austen novels http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/65rI12F3Vyg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:55:13 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=446 <ol> <li>Rash and Rationality</li> <li>Punk and Punctuality</li> <li>Beast and Bestiality</li> <li>Funk and Functionality</li> <li>Fried and Credulous</li> </ol>
  • Rash and Rationality
  • Punk and Punctuality
  • Beast and Bestiality
  • Funk and Functionality
  • Fried and Credulous
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/     Five rejected names for Austin BBQ restaurants http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/7oH3g-ikPQw/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:54:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/ <ol> <li>The Saltiest Joint</li> <li>Suck the Bone</li> <li>Unexpectedly Covered in Sauce</li> <li>Bar-B-Q*bert</li> <li>Texas Pete's Rootin', Tootin' Pulled Pork 'n' Fellatio Funfactory</li> </ol>
  • The Saltiest Joint
  • Suck the Bone
  • Unexpectedly Covered in Sauce
  • Bar-B-Q*bert
  • Texas Pete’s Rootin’, Tootin’ Pulled Pork ‘n’ Fellatio Funfactory
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/     Five records I wish I could have sung backup on http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/ABEFE0x_Ml8/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:52:57 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=444 <ol> <li>"You Didn't Have to Be So Nice" by The Lovin' Spoonful</li> <li>"Wall of Death" by Richard &#38; Linda Thompson</li> <li>"Rocks Off" by The Rolling Stones</li> <li><em>anything</em> by Neil Young &#38; Crazy Horse</li> <li>"The Village Green Preservation Society" by The Kinks</li> </ol>
  • “You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice” by The Lovin’ Spoonful
  • “Wall of Death” by Richard & Linda Thompson
  • “Rocks Off” by The Rolling Stones
  • anything by Neil Young & Crazy Horse
  • “The Village Green Preservation Society” by The Kinks
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/     Five occupations whose uniform I think I’d enjoy wearing http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/47y7g9uX0pg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:52:17 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=443 <ol> <li>barber</li> <li>MUNI driver</li> <li>flight attendant</li> <li>kung-fu master</li> <li>deceased fried chicken entrepreneur </li> </ol>
  • barber
  • MUNI driver
  • flight attendant
  • kung-fu master
  • deceased fried chicken entrepreneur
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/     Five things that should be issued to every American on his or her 14th birthday http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/b5Fw5vx2-Bg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/#comments Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:52:46 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=441 <ol> <li>condoms (and instruction on how and when to use/not use them)</li> <li><em>The Elements of Style</em> by Strunk and White</li> <li>phone number of a super-cool, non-panicky adult (who will get you out of the jams your parents must never learn of)</li> <li><em>Surfer Rosa</em> by Pixies</li> <li>iPod on which to listen to <em>Surfer Rosa</em> at painfully loud volume</li> </ol>
  • condoms (and instruction on how and when to use/not use them)
  • The Elements of Style by Strunk and White
  • phone number of a super-cool, non-panicky adult (who will get you out of the jams your parents must never learn of)
  • Surfer Rosa by Pixies
  • iPod on which to listen to Surfer Rosa at painfully loud volume
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/     Five unusual Top Chef production crew titles http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/dIMENWnxYP0/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:26:50 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=439 <ol> <li>Fauxhawk Sharpener</li> <li>Timpani Dramaticizer</li> <li>Molecular Gastronomy Re-explainer</li> <li>Foam Consultant</li> <li>Clog Wrangler</li> </ol>
  • Fauxhawk Sharpener
  • Timpani Dramaticizer
  • Molecular Gastronomy Re-explainer
  • Foam Consultant
  • Clog Wrangler
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/     Five poetic phrases culled from Joe McConnell’s Bay Area radio traffic report http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/BYvwlmsSc0A/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:26:00 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=440 <ol> <li>slow in pockets</li> <li>jackknifed big rig</li> <li>backed-up to the maze</li> <li>Friday-light</li> <li>goat on the shoulder</li> </ol>
  • slow in pockets
  • jackknifed big rig
  • backed-up to the maze
  • Friday-light
  • goat on the shoulder
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/     Five rejected titles for the latest Coldplay record http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/QQKaU1TzOHE/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:24:12 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=438 <ol> <li><em>¿Perry Cómo Estás?</em></li> <li><em>Que Syrah Syrah</em></li> <li><em>Bicycletarse</em></li> <li><em>Chili Art Carney</em></li> <li><em>No Hablamos Español</em></li> </ol>
  • ¿Perry Cómo Estás?
  • Que Syrah Syrah
  • Bicycletarse
  • Chili Art Carney
  • No Hablamos Español
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/     Five rejected names for a single-serving meal product http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/xKnNDHcG3HE/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/#comments Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:24:48 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=436 <ol> <li>Quiet Evenings</li> <li>Me &#38; the Kitties</li> <li>Lonesome Bites</li> <li>Monomunches</li> <li>Singles...for Life!</li> </ol>
  • Quiet Evenings
  • Me & the Kitties
  • Lonesome Bites
  • Monomunches
  • Singles…for Life!
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/     Five ways to leverage the mobile thinkosphere http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/jCnqplh9HaM/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/#comments Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:15:51 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/ <ol> <li>blogmobisodes</li> <li>webmobinars</li> <li>telestreamanogisodes</li> <li>lividmobipostiscussions</li> <li>netconvermomomobomasations</li> </ol>
  • blogmobisodes
  • webmobinars
  • telestreamanogisodes
  • lividmobipostiscussions
  • netconvermomomobomasations
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/     Five “Web 2.0″ ways to break up with your boyfriend http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/_lhMfF2GNDU/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/#comments Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:37:01 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/ <ol> <li>add unflattering Flickr tag, "Fat asshole with a unibrow"</li> <li>change Facebook status to "He's literally dead to me"</li> <li>web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: "193")</li> <li>share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends</li> <li>decline to participate in Series B round of affection</li> </ol>
  • add unflattering Flickr tag, “Fat asshole with a unibrow”
  • change Facebook status to “He’s literally dead to me”
  • web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: “193″)
  • share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends
  • decline to participate in Series B round of affection
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/     Five terrible fake astronomical pickup lines http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/BX6oQDd3wB4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/#comments Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:29:07 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/ <ol> <li>Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?</li> <li>Hop in my van, and I'll show you something else that's constantly expanding.</li> <li>Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?</li> <li>I'd like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that's no Taurus.</li> <li>How about we go outside and discover Uranus?</li> </ol>
  • Ever wonder what’s happening under Orion’s belt?
  • Hop in my van, and I’ll show you something else that’s constantly expanding.
  • Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?
  • I’d like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that’s no Taurus.
  • How about we go outside and discover Uranus?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/     Five rejected names for “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/cPXFyGPvNQo/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/#comments Thu, 06 Mar 2008 10:58:12 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/ <ol> <li>Daniel Poon </li> <li>Mr. Strange</li> <li>Steve the Sleeve</li> <li>Snatch Adams</li> <li>Ol' Vag </li> </ol>
  • Daniel Poon
  • Mr. Strange
  • Steve the Sleeve
  • Snatch Adams
  • Ol’ Vag
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/     Five fake names I keep waiting for an opportunity to use http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/julg_t7kAOg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-fake-names-i-keep-waiting-for-an-opportunity-to-use/#comments Thu, 06 Mar 2008 10:57:28 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-fake-names-i-keep-waiting-for-an-opportunity-to-use/ <ol> <li>Romana Clay</li> <li>Rosco Green</li> <li>Kel Domage</li> <li>Fanny B. Tender</li> <li>Farrell Katz</li> </ol>
  • Romana Clay
  • Rosco Green
  • Kel Domage
  • Fanny B. Tender
  • Farrell Katz
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-fake-names-i-keep-waiting-for-an-opportunity-to-use/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-fake-names-i-keep-waiting-for-an-opportunity-to-use/     Five cues that Robert Plant is ready to have sexual intercourse with you http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/AHloEF4oPL4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/#comments Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:30:46 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/ <ol> <li>gently enquires as to where you like to put the turkey baster</li> <li>repeatedly offers to demonstrate "how Blighty squeezes the lemonade"</li> <li>stands in your front yard, pants-less and swinging a garden hose in lazy figure-eights</li> <li>makes rapid "milking a cow" gesture while screaming something incoherent about Robert Johnson</li> <li>drops his semi-erect penis onto your dessert plate</li> </ol>
  • gently enquires as to where you like to put the turkey baster
  • repeatedly offers to demonstrate “how Blighty squeezes the lemonade”
  • stands in your front yard, pants-less and swinging a garden hose in lazy figure-eights
  • makes rapid “milking a cow” gesture while screaming something incoherent about Robert Johnson
  • drops his semi-erect penis onto your dessert plate
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/     Five more terrible fake reality TV shows http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/b50SjKowOws/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:55:31 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/ <ol> <li>Are You Smarter Than an Ottoman?</li> <li>Project Segway</li> <li>Would You Eat This for Money?</li> <li>America's Next Top Preclear</li> <li>Who Wants to Be a Cultural Footnote?</li> </ol>
  • Are You Smarter Than an Ottoman?
  • Project Segway
  • Would You Eat This for Money?
  • America’s Next Top Preclear
  • Who Wants to Be a Cultural Footnote?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/     Five subtle changes in the event that Microsoft acquires Yahoo! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/CWSxeYG26go/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 20:00:54 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/ <ol> <li>your Flickr.com photos are still your own (although human faces are now obscured by selected partner company logos)</li> <li>owing to unavoidable data corruption, all Upcoming.org events must be reinstalled monthly</li> <li>following upgrade to Vista, clicking del.icio.us links now requires 1 GB of RAM and 40 GB drive space (per link)</li> <li>Jerry Yang now compelled to "do that funny MC Hammer dance" whenever Ballmer's meds start wearing off</li> <li>folksy motto tweaked to "If You Ever Want to See That Pretty Family of Yours Again, You Damned Straight Better Fucking <em>Yahoo!</em>"</li> </ol>
  • your Flickr.com photos are still your own (although human faces are now obscured by selected partner company logos)
  • owing to unavoidable data corruption, all Upcoming.org events must be reinstalled monthly
  • following upgrade to Vista, clicking del.icio.us links now requires 1 GB of RAM and 40 GB drive space (per link)
  • Jerry Yang now compelled to “do that funny MC Hammer dance” whenever Ballmer’s meds start wearing off
  • folksy motto tweaked to “If You Ever Want to See That Pretty Family of Yours Again, You Damned Straight Better Fucking Yahoo!“
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/     Five names you can belch http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/FdcU32vRtcI/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:04:36 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/ <ol> <li>Frank Black</li> <li>Bob Hodgkins</li> <li>Barack Obama</li> <li>Ponce De Leon</li> <li>John Hodgman</li> </ol>
  • Frank Black
  • Bob Hodgkins
  • Barack Obama
  • Ponce De Leon
  • John Hodgman
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/     Five ways Angelina Jolie can quickly acquire more children http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/KKpERHo-W-0/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/#comments Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:12:53 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/ <ol> <li>gestate auxiliary sets of twins in climate-controlled Fendi bags</li> <li>make Brad build a big-ass gingerbread house </li> <li>explore viability of controversial "dorsal carriage" (a/k/a "butt fetus")</li> <li>surreptitiously cruise Gymboree with mallet and a sack</li> <li>lay excess eggs in what's left of Sean Young </li> </ol>
  • gestate auxiliary sets of twins in climate-controlled Fendi bags
  • make Brad build a big-ass gingerbread house
  • explore viability of controversial “dorsal carriage” (a/k/a “butt fetus”)
  • surreptitiously cruise Gymboree with mallet and a sack
  • lay excess eggs in what’s left of Sean Young
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/     Five ways you’re unleashing the power of your blog http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/ua4gW341DyY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/#comments Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:56:42 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/ <ol> <li>tearing the veil away from the morally bankrupt raincheck policy at Marshall's</li> <li>"crowdsourcing" the naming of your new unicycle</li> <li>taking a symbolic day off from blogging to protest the unjust treatment of "some Oriental dude" you read about on Slashdot </li> <li>daring to name names in the "personal holocaust of customer service" you recently suffered at Fry's</li> <li>funny new snapshot of your kitty, "Warrant Officer Ripley," acting like she's people</li> </ol>
  • tearing the veil away from the morally bankrupt raincheck policy at Marshall’s
  • “crowdsourcing” the naming of your new unicycle
  • taking a symbolic day off from blogging to protest the unjust treatment of “some Oriental dude” you read about on Slashdot
  • daring to name names in the “personal holocaust of customer service” you recently suffered at Fry’s
  • funny new snapshot of your kitty, “Warrant Officer Ripley,” acting like she’s people
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/     Five terrible fake Sylvester Stallone franchise revivals http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/sFE4364LBko/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:50:39 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/ <ol> <li><em>Rambo V: Could You Repeat the Specials, Please?</em></li> <li><em>Increasingly Less Over the Top</em></li> <li><em>Tango &#38; Cash II: Which One Am I Again?</em></li> <li><em>F.I.S.T.U.L.A.</em></li> <li><em>Rocky VII: Who Keeps Moving My Medicine?</em></li> </ol>
  • Rambo V: Could You Repeat the Specials, Please?
  • Increasingly Less Over the Top
  • Tango & Cash II: Which One Am I Again?
  • F.I.S.T.U.L.A.
  • Rocky VII: Who Keeps Moving My Medicine?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/     Five presentation tips for delivering your Internet Manifesto http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/GSw3IRBiD0A/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:09:22 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/ <ol> <li>talk through a vocoder, so maybe people will infer you're a mean robot</li> <li>as you address your audience, consider stroking a cat or cleaning your mom's rifle</li> <li>display tabular information about your perceived enemies in a large, readable typeface</li> <li>avoid contractions, so you'll sound more like Vincent Price</li> <li>work the cravat</li> </ol>
  • talk through a vocoder, so maybe people will infer you’re a mean robot
  • as you address your audience, consider stroking a cat or cleaning your mom’s rifle
  • display tabular information about your perceived enemies in a large, readable typeface
  • avoid contractions, so you’ll sound more like Vincent Price
  • work the cravat
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/     Five terrible fake names for villages in England http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/yyV3REIlqio/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:31:19 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/ <ol> <li>Fishpie-on-Porkstocking</li> <li>Poxham</li> <li>Monoclesfordington</li> <li>Mutton Moat Wood</li> <li>Penishire-on-Derbyhat</li> </ol>
  • Fishpie-on-Porkstocking
  • Poxham
  • Monoclesfordington
  • Mutton Moat Wood
  • Penishire-on-Derbyhat
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/     Five historical blog posts http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/fKa1A_iSpYY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:30:36 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/ <ol> <li>Moses: Top 10 Bulletproof Tips for Not Pissing-off The Lord (2 tablets - reg req.)</li> <li>HOWTO: Some Guy Compares Thee to a Summer Day </li> <li>Crazy Italian Dude Totally Draws on Pope's Ceiling (DIGG THIS!!!!) </li> <li>I CAN HAZ INVISIBLE THUMBSCREWZ? Top 50 LOLInquisiton Macros</li> <li>BOOBIES - Hot Naked Chick Horses Around Coventry [PICS!]</li> </ol>
  • Moses: Top 10 Bulletproof Tips for Not Pissing-off The Lord (2 tablets - reg req.)
  • HOWTO: Some Guy Compares Thee to a Summer Day
  • Crazy Italian Dude Totally Draws on Pope’s Ceiling (DIGG THIS!!!!)
  • I CAN HAZ INVISIBLE THUMBSCREWZ? Top 50 LOLInquisiton Macros
  • BOOBIES - Hot Naked Chick Horses Around Coventry [PICS!]
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/     Five surprising things George Washington Carver made from peanuts http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/-KgOQ2dI1Yc/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:29:52 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/ <ol> <li>peanut-shaped peanut bowl made of peanut shells</li> <li>peanut surrey, drawn by two sweet potato horses</li> <li>Atari 2600</li> <li>peanut shuriken</li> <li>Side 2 of Boston's <em>Third Stage</em></li> </ol>
  • peanut-shaped peanut bowl made of peanut shells
  • peanut surrey, drawn by two sweet potato horses
  • Atari 2600
  • peanut shuriken
  • Side 2 of Boston’s Third Stage
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/     Five legal concepts I’m pretty sure I first learned from watching The People’s Court http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/6gAdpoADmaQ/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:29:11 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/ <ol> <li>creating a bailment</li> <li>"meeting of the minds"</li> <li><em>in loco parentis</em></li> <li>"reasonable expectation of privacy"</li> <li>compulsory post-trial interview with effeminate scolding man</li> </ol>
  • creating a bailment
  • “meeting of the minds”
  • in loco parentis
  • “reasonable expectation of privacy”
  • compulsory post-trial interview with effeminate scolding man
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/     Five more terrible fake euphemisms for defecating (based on The Godfather series) http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/lexAI2ccEJM/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/12/03/five-more-terrible-fake-euphemisms-for-defecating-based-on-the-godfather-series/#comments Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:39:31 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/12/03/five-more-terrible-fake-euphemisms-for-defecating-based-on-the-godfather-series/ <ol> <li>Moving Klingman out</li> <li>Whacking Sollozzo</li> <li>Going fishing with Al</li> <li>Visiting Woltz</li> <li>Hiring Sophia</li> </ol>
  • Moving Klingman out
  • Whacking Sollozzo
  • Going fishing with Al
  • Visiting Woltz
  • Hiring Sophia
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/12/03/five-more-terrible-fake-euphemisms-for-defecating-based-on-the-godfather-series/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/12/03/five-more-terrible-fake-euphemisms-for-defecating-based-on-the-godfather-series/     Five things I still don’t really understand http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/Kw1gIoItfo4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/23/five-things-i-still-dont-really-understand/#comments Tue, 23 Oct 2007 14:25:13 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/23/five-things-i-still-dont-really-understand/ <ol> <li>the International Date Line</li> <li>the Electoral College</li> <li>how my toilet works</li> <li>MMORPG</li> <li>"The Seduction Community"</li> </ol>
  • the International Date Line
  • the Electoral College
  • how my toilet works
  • MMORPG
  • “The Seduction Community”
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/23/five-things-i-still-dont-really-understand/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/23/five-things-i-still-dont-really-understand/     Five more Halloween costumes your sorority sisters are considering http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/_uiDe5k2kz0/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/21/five-more-halloween-costumes-your-sorority-sisters-are-considering/#comments Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:17:58 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/21/five-more-halloween-costumes-your-sorority-sisters-are-considering/ <ol> <li>Sexy Prius</li> <li>Sexy Ahmadinejad</li> <li>Sexy Oncologist</li> <li>Sexy Alexander Pope</li> <li>Sexy Scented Candle</li> </ol>
  • Sexy Prius
  • Sexy Ahmadinejad
  • Sexy Oncologist
  • Sexy Alexander Pope
  • Sexy Scented Candle
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/21/five-more-halloween-costumes-your-sorority-sisters-are-considering/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/21/five-more-halloween-costumes-your-sorority-sisters-are-considering/     Five pieces of fiction I’d enjoy hearing Wilford Brimley read aloud to me http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/EYclbvC9RZ4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/18/five-pieces-of-fiction-id-enjoy-hearing-wilford-brimley-read-aloud-to-me/#comments Thu, 18 Oct 2007 11:38:58 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/18/five-pieces-of-fiction-id-enjoy-hearing-wilford-brimley-read-aloud-to-me/ <ol> <li>"A Good Man is Hard to Find," by Flannery O'Connor</li> <li><em>Les Chants de Maldoror</em> by Comte de Lautréamont</li> <li>"The Call of Cthulhu" by H. P. Lovecraft</li> <li><em>À rebours</em> by J.K. Huysmans</li> <li><em>Goodnight Moon</em>, by Margaret Wise Brown</li> </ol>
  • “A Good Man is Hard to Find,” by Flannery O’Connor
  • Les Chants de Maldoror by Comte de Lautréamont
  • “The Call of Cthulhu” by H. P. Lovecraft
  • À rebours by J.K. Huysmans
  • Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/18/five-pieces-of-fiction-id-enjoy-hearing-wilford-brimley-read-aloud-to-me/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2007/10/18/five-pieces-of-fiction-id-enjoy-hearing-wilford-brimley-read-aloud-to-me/