Five controversial ontologies

  1. We actually exist in a snow globe ruled by the autistic kid from St. Elsewhere
  2. The Universe, like sexual intercourse, was created by The Beatles in the Autumn of 1962
  3. The Creator’s machinations are always subject to even more all-powerful beings: Mrs. Creator. (And, her new lawyer, Sid)
  4. We live in a galaxy on the thumbnail of a Santa Cruz student who’s really, really fucking high right now
  5. A wizard in the sky created an infinite universe then let his son get murdered by politically-powerful bigots so he could fly back to the sky to help people who agree to believe in the wizard in return for not being forced to be sad and hot for the rest of forever

And, moreover, we offer these theoretically similar 5ives…

  1. Five controversial performers coming to your local library
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