Five terrible fake pledge-week specials on PBS

  1. Surviving members of every 50s doo-wop band fight to the death with clubs — shirtless and totally coked-up — in massive Thunderdome-like arena
  2. cast of Monty Python comments on previous pledge-season Python commentaries (available on DVD for one-time $200 donation)
  3. Gwen Ifill leads a group of American schoolchildren on a field trip to the Beijing factory where your tote bag was manufactured
  4. Suze Orman and Johnny Knoxville kick each other in the genitals for 90 minutes
  5. Antiques Roadshow guests offered immediate cash on the barrel-head; provided they can eat their entire antique in three minutes
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