Five things you did while MySpace was down

  1. repeatedly checked progress of floppy emo forelock
  2. wrote lengthy longhand list of “friends”; “de-friended” each by means of vigorous horizontal pen strokes
  3. idly doodled “Dr. and Mrs. Good Charlotte” in margins of your Consumer Math book
  4. cutting — again with the cutting
  5. imagined own funeral (and how sad and sorry everyone will be)
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