Archive for May, 2005

Five fake urban myths I’d like you to earnestly share with your friends and colleagues

Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
  1. Computer hackers can now steal anyone’s underpants using their own PC
  2. “Starving” people in Africa spend most of their aid money on big-screen TVs, pole-dances, and perfectly good food that they just throw away
  3. There is actually no “Norway”—it was invented in the mid-’40s as part of an MGM publicity stunt
  4. Studies show there’s more feces on your doorknob than there is in an actual pile of feces
  5. There’s a little girl in Arkansas named Ashley-Marie who has full-blown entitilitis, and she’s praying that everyone in America will breakdance for her at noon next Monday

Five things I’d like to see engraved on little rubber bracelets

Monday, May 16th, 2005
  1. Nap Strong
  2. My Other Bracelet is Fighting Colon Cancer
  3. America: Shut Thy Pie Hole
  4. Kiss Me, I’m Trendy
  5. Please Watch Arrested Development

Five favorite spoodely-spoodely guitar solos

Monday, May 16th, 2005
  1. “Eruption” - Van Halen (Eddie Van Halen)
  2. “Hot on Your Heels” - Steeler (Yngwie Malmsteen)
  3. “Stairway to Heaven” - Led Zeppelin (Jimmy Page)
  4. “One” - Metallica (Kirk Hammett)
  5. “Bohemian Rhapsody” - Queen (Brian May)

Five words Madeline would just as soon I stopped using for a while

Monday, May 16th, 2005
  1. orthogonal
  2. notional
  3. sciolist
  4. functionality
  5. janky

Five ways to save The O.C.

Monday, May 16th, 2005
  1. have Ryan start punching preppies at parties again
  2. more Julie Cooper in fuzzy track suits
  3. new haircuts for everybody
  4. Bring back Jimmy Cooper
  5. keep not having Oliver on

Five most punchable characters in Pretty in Pink

Sunday, May 8th, 2005
  1. Ducky
  2. Blaine
  3. Steff
  4. Andie
  5. everyone else who isn’t Harry Dean Stanton