Archive for May, 2006
Friday, May 19th, 2006
- Kevin repeatedly leaves baby in ashtray at check cashing store
- Britney scores pyrrhic victory in tequila-soaked belly flop contest
- new sitter hastily hired in parking lot of Jack in the Box™
- baby’s favorite beer bong often loaded with unpalatably lukewarm Coors
- Kevin promises “that next li’l critter” as escrow toward new ATV
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Monday, May 15th, 2006
- “How Soon is Now?” / The Smiths
- “Blasphemous Rumors” / Depeche Mode
- “Uncertain Smile” / The The
- “If Only You Were Lonely” / The Replacements
- “The Killing Moon” / Echo & the Bunnymen
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Monday, May 1st, 2006
- perches atop a Shoney’s salad bar (throughout busy Mother’s Day holiday)
- wedges deep in Ted Kennedy’s jowl (duration of lengthy filibuster)
- stands dutifully in line at the DMV (16 weeks)
- sealed in oversized Ziploc® bag; simply forgotten in back of fridge (2½ years)
- attends taping of Dr. Phil (60 minutes)
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Monday, May 1st, 2006
- foxy boxing
- bitch slap
- jack-knifed big rig
- junk in the trunk
- hot stone massage
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Monday, May 1st, 2006
- the carabiner
- the big-ass ring of keys
- the skateboard you never actually ride
- the shurikens
- the two-year-old condom
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Monday, May 1st, 2006
- Diet Coke
- vim
- situps
- kale
- cats
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