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- Five Musicians to Whom I’ve Drunkenly Introduced Myself
- Five things we should clear up
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- Five things the lady standing outside the window at the Today Show, holding a cardboard sign with a picture of a kitten she cut out of Parade Magazine, is thinking about right now
- Five menu items at Silver Spoon Thai that could also be the name of an unsuccessful sex worker
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- Five things that should be issued to every American on his or her 14th birthday
- Five unusual Top Chef production crew titles
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- Five rejected titles for the latest Coldplay record
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- Five ways to leverage the mobile thinkosphere
- Five “Web 2.0” ways to break up with your boyfriend
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- Five rejected names for “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard
- Five cues that Robert Plant is ready to have sexual intercourse with you
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- Five subtle changes in the event that Microsoft acquires Yahoo!
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- Five ways Angelina Jolie can quickly acquire more children
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- Five presentation tips for delivering your Internet Manifesto
- Five terrible fake names for villages in England
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- Five surprising things George Washington Carver made from peanuts
- Five legal concepts I’m pretty sure I first learned from watching The People’s Court
- Five more terrible fake euphemisms for defecating (based on The Godfather series)
- Five things I still don’t really understand
- Five more Halloween costumes your sorority sisters are considering
- Five pieces of fiction I’d enjoy hearing Wilford Brimley read aloud to me
- Five rejected Spice Girl personalities
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- Five Senators or Representatives whom I wish would become partners in a law firm (just for the awesome letterhead)
- Five songs I’d love to hear a couple use for the first dance at their wedding reception
- Five products on whose label Rachael Ray will eventually be featured, grinning maniacally
- Five titles you shouldn’t be allowed to give yourself
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- Five things of which I will never tire
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- Five musical embellishments that should be used in moderation
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- Five songs to which I have a very clear recollection of french kissing in the 1980s
- Five tastes of childhood with which I’ve recently and happily re-acquainted myself
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- Five things, besides “your ride,” that you might wish to “pimp”
- Five early 80s albums that are better than you probably remember
- Five songs I’d enjoy hearing Tom Waits cover
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- Five hip-hop pseudonyms I’ve considered for myself
- Five nouns to which I enjoy prepending an unnecessary definite article
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- Five favorite words I learned last year
- Five albums I was listening to when I moved to San Francisco (seven years ago today)
- Five ideas I’ve had for family theme restaurants
- Five Halloween safety tips
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- Five phrases you may substitute if you are intimidated by overt swearing
- Five possible signs your congressman thinks your teenaged son is hot
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- Five groups, apart from “women and children,” who should get to leave a sinking ship first
- Five persons who will eventually appear in every rock documentary
- Five excellent Iron Maiden songs (and what each is ostensibly about)
- Five things I’ll bet can be hard for pirates
- Five people who are much more enjoyable if you imagine them as pro wrestlers
- Five markings I think I’d enjoy having on my grave
- Five TV shows I’ll bet you don’t remember
- Five injustices you bravely suffer
- Five kitchen tools that sound kind of dirty
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- Five terrible fake scripts from a notional fourth season of Gilligan’s Island
- Five amazing high-hat parts
- Five things, besides lying, that Shakira’s hips don’t do
- Five terrible fake Spears family parenting lapses
- Five songs I wish would become popular drunken singalongs at sporting events
- Five terrible fake David Blaine endurance stunts
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- Five suggested Flickr tags
- Five periodicals I loved in the 90s
- Five amazing Beatles bridges
- Five ubiquitous anatomical embellishments from which I could use a break
- Five terrible fake Morrissey songs
- Five modifiers you might have intended when you just said “literally”
- Five places where the burnouts would hang out and smoke in junior high
- Five things that make me smile
- Five songs I sometimes listen to on repeat for 20 minutes
- Five composers I’m glad never had to hear their work performed primarily as ear-screeching ringtones
- Five things I currently have no intention of doing
- Five things that aren’t particularly helping my nascent dharma practice
- Five songs I’ve completely obsessed over
- Five terrible fake “Morning Zoo” teams
- Five candidates Madeline has repeatedly vetoed to be “our song”
- Five things I had to keep explaining to the guy at REI
- Five places I’ve had my hair cut
- Five good things to absorb while you’re still young
- Five reasons the terrorists hate us (apart from “our freedom”)
- Five decidedly un-super supergroups
- Five things you can bring along to help make the party all about you
- Five people I’d love to observe trying to have dinner together
- Five more excellent public radio names
- Five works I adore by artists I otherwise don’t care for
- Five people I’m told I impersonate badly
- Five things it’s worth paying a little extra for
- Five notional movies that might not have gone over as well with fundamentalists
- Five ways to get on the del.icio.us home page
- Five terrible fake entrees from the dotcom era
- Five ways your histrionic anti-abortion friend might refer to a fetus
- Five people of whom I confess to being a bit weary
- Five things (besides a television) that you could constantly remind people you won’t use
- Five rules of thumb
- Five more things Pat Robertson needs you to pray on
- Five They Might Be Giants songs I often find myself singing
- Five thoughts on who “they” might be
- Five favorite guitar chords
- Five rules from the NPR drinking game
- Five bands I’m sorry I never got to see live
- Five terrible fake non-fiction bestsellers
- Five favorite new wave drummers
- Five terrible fake secrets about Seals & Crofts
- Five things I have read repeatedly in the bathroom
- Five beverages I haven’t drunk very often since college
- Five Halloween costumes your sorority sisters are considering
- Five user icons
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Monthly Archives: June 2006
Five terrible fake scripts from a notional fourth season of Gilligan’s Island
1. Ginger gets badly hooked on coconut-based diet pills
1. Gilligan quietly begins surreptitious relationship with Mary Ann’s cut-offs
1. Mr. Howell acquires Skipper in stock-only buy-out
1. Intact Coast Guard ship lands in lagoon; Professor disassembles parts to construct ersatz wooden “rescue telephone”
1. Cousin Oliver arrives, reviving the tired franchise with his inspired island mayhem
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Five amazing high-hat parts
1. “Dial-Up” – Ted Leo & the Pharmacists (Chris Wilson)
1. “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” – The Police (Stewart Copeland)
1. “Peg” – Steely Dan (Rick Marotta)
1. “Ceremony” – New Order (Stephen Morris)
1. “Harborcoat” – R.E.M. (Bill Berry)
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Five things, besides lying, that Shakira’s hips don’t do
1. poach eggs
1. long division
1. tap your phone
1. moblog
1. take no mess
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