Archive for January, 2007

Five songs I’d enjoy hearing Tom Waits cover

Monday, January 29th, 2007
  1. “Fade to Black” by Metallica
  2. “Is That Love?” by Squeeze
  3. The Star-Spangled Banner
  4. “Model Man” by King Crimson
  5. “Theme from Laverne & Shirley

Five recent makebelieve Canadian girlfriends

Thursday, January 18th, 2007
  1. Tricia Helfer
  2. Evangeline Lilly
  3. Molly Parker
  4. Leslie Feist
  5. Joni Mitchell

Five favorite Hee Haw performers

Thursday, January 18th, 2007
  1. Roy Clark
  2. Junior Samples
  3. Grandpa Jones
  4. the cartoon donkey
  5. Cathy Baker

Five hip-hop pseudonyms I’ve considered for myself

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
  1. MC Chalk (because I’m brittle and very white)
  2. Professor Adipose
  3. Tavis D
  4. Sedentary Larry
  5. 2 Weak

Five nouns to which I enjoy prepending an unnecessary definite article

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
  1. The Flickr
  2. The AIM
  3. The Jesus
  4. The Google
  5. The El NiƱo

Five potentially novel new year’s resolutions

Monday, January 15th, 2007
  1. authentically behave as though you’re living in an unending Ronnie James Dio song
  2. renounce thermodynamics as prideful conceit borne of modern secular culture
  3. eat only animals that have appeared in Richard Scarry illustrations
  4. lick unused cutlery whenever people aren’t looking
  5. finally finish building backyard shrine to Karen Black

Five nicknames I would find unbearable

Saturday, January 13th, 2007
  1. Li’l Plug
  2. Baloney Maurice
  3. Chicken Hitler
  4. Penis McGarnicle
  5. Nacho

Five favorite words I learned last year

Saturday, January 13th, 2007
  1. shockmount
  2. ouroboros
  3. catastrophization
  4. peloton
  5. katoptronophilia