Archive for June, 2007

Five products on whose label Rachael Ray will eventually be featured, grinning maniacally

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
  1. “Cellars Remorse” - home radon test
  2. “Squeak’n Cleen”- industrial degreasing agent
  3. OEM pre-need funeral plan
  4. “Ridi Pagliaccio” - pepper spray replacement cartridges
  5. “Kozy Komb Krabby Kitt” - economy-priced pubic louse removal pack

Five titles you shouldn’t be allowed to give yourself

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
  1. World’s Greatest Lover
  2. Topic Expert
  3. Vatican Watcher
  4. Thought Leader
  5. Poet

Five things you might do with “all that ass”

Thursday, June 21st, 2007
  1. open a modest home ass business
  2. serve hot meals of ass to the less fortunate
  3. hold a weekend “Ass Sale” on your lawn
  4. make colorful ass gift bags for the holidays
  5. give sympathetic testimony for recovering hump drunks

Five things of which I will never tire

Thursday, June 21st, 2007
  1. chimps
  2. The Godfather, Part II
  3. lobster rolls
  4. nature shows involving predatory insects
  5. Glengarry Glen Ross

Five douchebag power tools

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
  1. heavily gelled comb-back
  2. omnipresent Bluetooth earpiece
  3. Radio Margaritaville
  4. the nickel tip
  5. frequent use of words “impactful” and “‘bro”

Five terrible fake reality TV shows

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
  1. Thoracic Surgery With the Stars
  2. Track, Destroy, and Consume Your New Mom
  3. Mormon Idol
  4. Survivor: Leaky Hot Air Balloon
  5. Gastroenterologist 911

Five Flickr sets that aren’t driving the long-term traffic you’d hoped for

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
  1. “The Gates: An Essay in 5,200 Consecutive Photos”
  2. “My New Zune ‘Unboxing’”
  3. “Rhinoplasty Recovery, Day 5: Still All Purple”
  4. “Back Moles Resembling Notable Whigs”
  5. “Goatee Moods, Fall ‘04″

Five musical embellishments that should be used in moderation

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
  1. the Leslie guitar effect
  2. the whole step key change on the last chorus
  3. the gong finale
  4. the “portamento” keyboard
  5. the vocoder introduction