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- Five terrible fake Jane Austen novels
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- Five things that should be issued to every American on his or her 14th birthday
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- Five poetic phrases culled from Joe McConnell’s Bay Area radio traffic report
- Five rejected titles for the latest Coldplay record
- Five rejected names for a single-serving meal product
- Five ways to leverage the mobile thinkosphere
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- Five rejected names for “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard
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- Five songs I’d love to hear a couple use for the first dance at their wedding reception
- Five products on whose label Rachael Ray will eventually be featured, grinning maniacally
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- Five things of which I will never tire
- Five douchebag power tools
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- Five musical embellishments that should be used in moderation
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- Five songs to which I have a very clear recollection of french kissing in the 1980s
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- Five nouns from which it can be difficult to scrub the scent of utter bullshit
- Five Flickr comments left on the latest self-portrait of you staring slightly off-camera with your mouth open
- Five things, besides “your ride,” that you might wish to “pimp”
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- Five nouns to which I enjoy prepending an unnecessary definite article
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- Five places where the burnouts would hang out and smoke in junior high
- Five things that make me smile
- Five songs I sometimes listen to on repeat for 20 minutes
- Five composers I’m glad never had to hear their work performed primarily as ear-screeching ringtones
- Five things I currently have no intention of doing
- Five things that aren’t particularly helping my nascent dharma practice
- Five songs I’ve completely obsessed over
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- Five reasons the terrorists hate us (apart from “our freedom”)
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- Five more excellent public radio names
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- Five people I’m told I impersonate badly
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- Five people of whom I confess to being a bit weary
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- Five thoughts on who “they” might be
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- Five things I have read repeatedly in the bathroom
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- Five user icons
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