- Two guys are caught–uh–enjoying one another’s company between two houses in a residential area. One speaks only Spanish, while the other speaks a kind of fractured English. When the second man is asked why his fly is down and there’s grass all over his back, he plays it off legit: “I doan know! He breeng me back here…maybe kill me or something and steal my money!”
- Man is thrown off bus for disruptive behavior. Police, curious about the metallic sparkle on the tip of his nose, search him and discover a plastic bag with half an inch of liquified spray paint in it. Further searching reveals several pairs of ladies underwear–still on the teeny hangers–stuffed under his waistband. Every mother’s nightmare; their son on a binge of spray paint huffing and panty theft.
- Woman pulled over for suspicious driving speaks gibberish: “You can squeeze my wrist all you want, whoremongers, but you ain’t gonna get nothing but my wallet.” Sublime.
- Enormous, naked, bleeding, cracked-up man in barber shop must be subdued by five or six officers.
- Man coerces estranged girlfriend (smoking a butt in a beaded fringe t-shirt) to talk to him by offering money, a carton of cigarettes, or a steak and shrimp dinner.
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