Archive for April, 2003

Five things anyone in earshot should legally be permitted to do to a car for as long as its alarm is falsely blaring

Monday, April 28th, 2003
  1. Hit fenders repeatedly with a ball-peen hammer
  2. Defecate on windshield
  3. Break into trunk, fill with AOL® discs
  4. Throw razor-sharp lawn darts at tires
  5. Draw pee-pees and woo-woos on the driver-side door

Five Childhood Taunts or Local Indie Rock Bands

Thursday, April 17th, 2003
  1. No Shit Sherlock
  2. You Rot
  3. A Homo Sez What?
  4. Sped!
  5. Doy

Five guesses at the number you’re thinking of right now

Thursday, April 10th, 2003
  1. 37
  2. 1
  3. 5
  4. 10
  5. you’re not thinking of a number

Five grating things about that chick from Marketing

Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
  1. Freaky French manicure constantly inspected and maintained
  2. Seems to really enjoy saying “Solutions Seminar” over and over
  3. Cell phone’s “Für Elise” ringtone
  4. Thumb ring thought to be quietly boho, perhaps in a T.G.I. Friday’s kind of way
  5. Loves that fucking speakerphone, doesn’t she?