5ives

1. Jennifer Lopez (Struggling single mother and diner waitress, beset with late-onset acromegaly melts the hearts of her recent-immigrant customers)
2. John Goodman (Struggling morbidly obese food critic, tragically born without a hypothalamus, devours flatware and crockery of Chicago’s finest eateries)
3. Jim Carrey (Struggling set of profoundly retarded triplets with intermittent psychic abilities fails to consistently predict important international events)
4. Brittany Murphy (Struggling double-amputee, 1/4-Cherokee law student with mild IBS teaches a town of old fogies how to dance…and, consequently, to love)
5. Haley Joel Osment (Struggling child actor faces decreasing cuteness and an intruding urge to kill)

This entry was posted on Monday, September 22nd, 2003 at 3:45 am.

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