Archive for October, 2003

Five things I probably should not have tried to make on my own

Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
  1. Clove cigarettes (1985)
  2. Spiderman-like web shooters (1977)
  3. Hash (1986)
  4. Fonzie-like hairstyle (using Vaseline Petroleum Jelly) (1976)
  5. Poems (1987)

Five things I sometimes wish I still had

Monday, October 13th, 2003
  1. My Banana Splits cereal bowl
  2. My full set of mid-’60s Batman and Tarzan trading cards
  3. My 7-inch of “Silly Love Songs” by Wings
  4. My 1970 VW camper van
  5. Easy access to Skyline Chili

Five cool words I’ve been having trouble working into a normal sentence

Monday, October 13th, 2003
  1. trepanation
  2. illiquid
  3. defenestration
  4. antediluvian
  5. kopophobia

Five unrelated things I’ve noticed about myself since moving to California in 1999

Sunday, October 12th, 2003
  1. I curse like a sailor, even in mixed company
  2. I don’t really enjoy reading novels very much
  3. I should stop interrupting people
  4. I don’t understand the game of craps at all
  5. I should eat much more fruit

Five things I just can’t get behind for some reason

Sunday, October 12th, 2003
  1. Using the phrase “First Annual”
  2. Foot tattoos
  3. Talk radio
  4. Heroin
  5. Televised awards shows

Five things I like more than I want to admit

Sunday, October 12th, 2003
  1. Speaking in the passive voice
  2. The Old Testament
  3. Justin Timberlake
  4. Waking up really early
  5. Saying “See you in cyberspace!” when I drunkenly leave a party

Five fake names I like to give at restaurants

Saturday, October 11th, 2003
  1. Mr. Bob Dobalina
  2. Thorstenson Finlandson
  3. Rrrrrrrrrroberto!
  4. Bubb Rubb
  5. Dr. Julius Kelp

Five good responses for telemarketers or collection agencies

Friday, October 10th, 2003
  1. I’m sorry, but what does this have to do with human sacrifice?
  2. Seriously, will you still be this interested in me after we’ve dated for a while?
  3. Would you be able to tell if I were defecating right now?
  4. I am French. Your money means nothing to me.
  5. I can smell your panties through the phone.

Five terrible fake names for Michael Jackson’s children

Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
  1. Popcorn Marie Jackson
  2. Backrub Jackson
  3. John Paul Michael Ringo Jackson
  4. Catbox Mel Ramen Pants Jackson
  5. Mannix II

Five terrible fake names for failed dotcom design firms

Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
  1. AwkwardFish.com
  2. DreamShepherds.com
  3. PicklePixel.com
  4. CashNozzle.com
  5. MonkeyMonkey.com