Archive for June, 2004

Five punk rock shows (Tampa, 1986)

Thursday, June 10th, 2004
  1. The Circle Jerks
  2. The Dead Milkmen
  3. The Wankers
  4. G.B.H. and Agnostic Front
  5. Belching Penguin

Five objects we used to throw in the french fryer when I worked at McDonald’s (1985)

Thursday, June 10th, 2004
  1. Coffee stirs
  2. Pickle slices
  3. Canadian bacon
  4. Sugar packets
  5. Pennies

Five favorite 8-tracks

Thursday, June 10th, 2004
  1. Black Sabbath / Paranoid (1983)
  2. Free to Be You and Me (1973)
  3. Queen / News of the World (1979)
  4. Rock for Kampuchea (1982)
  5. Mary Poppins (1972)

Five things I’ve paid to have put on t-shirts

Thursday, June 10th, 2004
  1. Star Wars iron-on; first name on back shoulders (1977)
  2. Glittery Superman iron-on; first name on back shoulders (1979)
  3. “Grappler” pro wrestling iron-on; first name on back shoulders (1980)
  4. Airbrushed cover of “Wolverine #1” comic book (1982)
  5. Number “12” on front; first name on back shoulders (1978)

Five things I’d rather not talk about

Thursday, June 10th, 2004
  1. Your surgery
  2. Softball
  3. The electoral college
  4. Fear Factor
  5. Your son Tyler’s soccer coach

Five modes of transportation that will help ensure you never, ever get laid

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
  1. Roller Blades
  2. Unicycle
  3. Segway
  4. Recumbent bike
  5. Imaginary horse

Five unfortunate nicknames for my elementary school teachers

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
  1. Mrs. Hugeman (Mrs. Huesman)
  2. Mrs. Hottentot (Mrs. Hottenstein)
  3. Mr. Spankavitch (Mr. Nankovich)
  4. Ms. Gobble (Ms. Auble)
  5. Ms. Fill-a-fart (Ms. Phillapart)

Five terrible fake names for your secret treehouse club

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
  1. The Sausage Factory
  2. Stolenporntorium
  3. The Ewok Posse
  4. Marlboro Heights
  5. Thee Arboreal Dream Hatcherie

Five favorite Jimmy Webb songs (and preferred version of each)

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
  1. Wichita Lineman (Glen Campbell)
  2. Rosecrans Boulevard (Zumpano)
  3. MacArthur Park (The Negro Problem)
  4. Galveston (Glen Campbell)
  5. Orange Air (Zumpano)

Five terrible alternative names for the band “The Decemberists”

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
  1. The Counts of Enjambementy Cristo
  2. The Pirate Folk Family Players
  3. The Whirled Accordion to Garp
  4. Thesaurus Wrecks
  5. Avast Ye Thar, English Majors!