Five more slightly misleading revelations of federally-funded abstinence programs

  1. Liberal senators want to award slutty girls free sub for 6th abortion
  2. Wearing green on Thursday makes you so totally gay
  3. Douche with Dr. Pepper and your baby will have luxurious brown hair
  4. When you masturbate on a Sunday, Jesus punches Keith Moon in the mouth
  5. Latex condoms make your kooch smell like a pork rind: forever!
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