Archive for February, 2005

Five people with whom to never start a conversation on MUNI

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
  1. Needy-looking guy in kilt
  2. Fat man with enormous parrot on his shoulder
  3. Chinese lady quietly trimming her toenails
  4. Stinky guy talking animatedly to fat guy’s parrot
  5. Smirky guy taking numerous phonecam pictures of stinky guy, fat guy, and parrot

Five terrible fake albums by a girly-voiced singer/songwriter

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
  1. Stop Touching My Cat
  2. These Braids Have Cried
  3. Vegan Glances
  4. Birkenstock Exchange
  5. Am I Not Your Flower?

Five actors I prefer not to visualize having intercourse

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
  1. Broderick Crawford
  2. Rondo Hatton
  3. Richard Dawson
  4. Paul Lynde
  5. Curly Joe DeRita

Five terrible fake names for a scratch-off lottery ticket series

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
  1. Itchy Hope Circles
  2. Dollar Dousers
  3. Power Poverty ‘05!
  4. Check Chaserz
  5. Salary Squeezin’

Five things you don’t want to hear from someone emerging from a bathroom after 35 minutes

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
  1. Do you have a snake and maybe a bunch of old towels?
  2. Man. Should’ve checked that one for a heartbeat.
  3. I used up all your matches.
  4. You guys insured?
  5. Wooo! The bitch is back!

Five congressional terms that sound kind of dirty

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
  1. Minority Whip
  2. discretionary appropriations
  3. filibustering
  4. discharge petition
  5. franking privileges

Five things I suspect I’m not supposed to think about when watching those bands with messy hair who sound like Joy Division

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
  1. Wow. That’s a really expensive amp.
  2. That bass player has nice skin for someone who’s so unhappy.
  3. I wonder if they all have really cool apartments.
  4. Would it kill them to get a tambourine?
  5. Man. These guys sound a lot like Joy Division.

Five total scams in high school

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
  1. class rings
  2. cap and gown fees
  3. Who’s Who Among American High School Students
  4. prom
  5. assemblies featuring christian rock bands