Archive for March, 2005

Five terrible fake novelty drink names at that one bar near campus

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
  1. Weepin’ Tyler’s Tangy Grandma Rememberer
  2. The Great American Face Slap Factory
  3. The Homoerotic Context Erasinator (with salty rim)
  4. Cap’n Morgan’s Highe Seas Roofie Hyderr
  5. Daddy’s Dreams Desolvin’ Appletini

Five things for which I sheepishly confess my dopey affection

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
  1. Songs about “Rock ‘n’ Roll”
  2. Shriners in those stupid little cars
  3. genuinely amazed infants
  4. the scene in Casablanca where Lazlo makes everyone stand and sing “La Marseillaise”
  5. The Bill of Rights

Five terrible fake congressional honorifics

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
  1. The distinguished cocksmoker from that hellhole, Mississippi
  2. The obsequious bootlicker from Virginia
  3. The exalted pederast from Kentucky
  4. The noisome harpy from California
  5. The fat-assed blowhard from that one flyover state