Archive for June, 2005
Thursday, June 30th, 2005
- The Chili Dog
- The Zoroaster
- The Menarche
- The Eastern Front
- The McNamara
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Monday, June 27th, 2005
- Wynette
- Maybelle
- Monroe
- Louvin
- Twitty
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Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
- Farrah Fawcett-Majors (1976)
- Jill Whelan (1979)
- Martha Quinn (1982)
- Markie Post (1985)
- Lauren Graham (2003)
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Monday, June 20th, 2005
- overnight guests must now provide own sheets and towels
- giraffes and chimps begin hawking Grit door-to-door
- Continental Breakfast downgraded to a can of Hawaiian Punch and some cab fare
- Ferris Wheel and railroad to close early on federal holidays
- “Jesus Juice” now prepared with less costly well-brand vodka
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Thursday, June 16th, 2005
- Sesame Street abruptly changes name to The Big Bird Factor
- Jim Lehrer asked to roll his eyes dramatically whenever he mentions Democrats, women, or “the black”
- vintage Julia Child episodes re-edited to obscure left wings of all fowl
- Arthur and Barney pulled aside, told flatly to “butch it up”
- Frontline goes on hiatus; replaced by ”Let’s Shoot Crossbows!” with Ted Nugent
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Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
- The Good in Everyone - Sloan
- Both Sides Now - Jason Falkner
- All God’s Children - The Finn Brothers
- You’re My Favorite Waste of Time - Marshall Crenshaw
- No Matter What - Badfinger
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Monday, June 13th, 2005
- Roland Barthes’ S/Z
- The Reagan Administration: What the eff?
- Green marks a continuing decline for R.E.M.
- goth kid in next room keeps playing that damned Ministry 12″
- cafeteria’s policy on soda refills = Florida’s modern Apartheid
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Monday, June 6th, 2005
- change first name to “Porsche Rose”
- stalk Prince
- smoke the world’s fattest joint—right in front of the Dean of Boys
- get tattoo of the cover of Iron Maiden’s Number of the Beast across entire back
- just chill out and shit
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Monday, June 6th, 2005
- toilet handle
- victim’s bed
- steering wheel
- night gown
- assailant’s penis
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Monday, June 6th, 2005
- Craig Finn (The Hold Steady)
- Mark E. Smith (The Fall)
- Damaged-era Henry Rollins (Black Flag)
- Lou Reed (The Velvet Underground)
- Rex Harrison
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