Archive for the 'five things' Category
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
- Zero Mostel
- Gene Hackman (retired)
- Donald Trump
- that Chinese guy I always see on MUNI
- Rudy Guiliani (retired)
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
- Surviving members of every 50s doo-wop band fight to the death with clubs — shirtless and totally coked-up — in massive Thunderdome-like arena
- cast of Monty Python comments on previous pledge-season Python commentaries (available on DVD for one-time $200 donation)
- Gwen Ifill leads a group of American schoolchildren on a field trip to the Beijing factory where your tote bag was manufactured
- Suze Orman and Johnny Knoxville kick each other in the genitals for 90 minutes
- Antiques Roadshow guests offered immediate cash on the barrel-head; provided they can eat their entire antique in three minutes
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
- brassel frassel
- futza mucker
- cockle spoker
- snaggle brassa
- sacka liquor
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
- mysterious dinnertime calls from “underwear police” reveal Capitol Hill area code
- last-minute codicil of House highway bill briefly renames your town “Jimmy’s Erectionville”
- “official” email invitation to congressional lap-sitting session clearly comes from AOL address
- extravagant gift of gladiator movie box-set personally delivered by Rep (perspiring in full gladiator costume)
- interest in son’s education seems limited to repeated insistence he read Death in Venice
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
- repeatedly checked progress of floppy emo forelock
- wrote lengthy longhand list of “friends”; “de-friended” each by means of vigorous horizontal pen strokes
- idly doodled “Dr. and Mrs. Good Charlotte” in margins of your Consumer Math book
- cutting — again with the cutting
- imagined own funeral (and how sad and sorry everyone will be)
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
- people who always use turn signals
- persons who have never purchased a greeting card
- Broken Social Scene
- everyone who can and does continue to publicly breakdance
- un-ironic wearers of suspenders
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
- Thurston Moore
- Joe Perry
- Henry Rollins
- Flea
- Chuck Klosterman
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
- “Flight of Icarus” - Greek myth of Daedalus, Icarus, and the wax wings they made
- “Aces High” - Battle of Britain (1940)
- “Run to the Hills” - US destroying Native American life and culture (1800s)
- “The Trooper” - Battle of Balaclava (1854)
- “The Number of the Beast” - Damien: Omen II (1978)
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, August 14th, 2006
- getting decent disability insurance
- rum allergies
- sexual harassment from that fancy new bosun
- irritable bowel syndrome
- finding one-legged pants that won’t make your hips look too broad
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, August 14th, 2006
- Ann Coulter
- John C. Dvorak
- Donald Trump
- John Stossel
- Tony Robbins
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, August 14th, 2006
- Often Punctual
- Half-Assing’s King
- So Hated Meetings
- Largely Tolerated by Friends
- Eventually Less Annoying Than in High School
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, August 14th, 2006
- Q.E.D.
- Sword of Justice
- Mr. T and Tina
- The San Pedro Beach Bums
- Pop! Goes the Country
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Friday, July 14th, 2006
- de-friended by the singer from that band you never really liked anyway
- flagging sales of your recent eBook on the sidewalk cafes of Southern Indiana
- raw volume of co-workers who never even acknowledge your funny t-shirts
- fucking Eggers never responded to your email
- you totally had an eyebrow ring months before that goon from IT got one
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Friday, July 14th, 2006
- chocolate fountain
- melon baller
- meat baster
- boning knife
- corn holders
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Friday, July 14th, 2006
- “See Rock City”
- “L.A. Law / Thursdays at 10″
- “due diligence”
- “Kajagoogoo4Evs”
- “I fellate goats while sporting a tattoo that I was told says ‘Harley Davidson’”
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
- Ginger gets badly hooked on coconut-based diet pills
- Gilligan quietly begins surreptitious relationship with Mary Ann’s cut-offs
- Mr. Howell acquires Skipper in stock-only buy-out
- Intact Coast Guard ship lands in lagoon; Professor disassembles parts to construct ersatz wooden “rescue telephone”
- Cousin Oliver arrives, reviving the tired franchise with his inspired island mayhem
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
- “Dial-Up” - Ted Leo & the Pharmacists (Chris Wilson)
- “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” - The Police (Stewart Copeland)
- “Peg” - Steely Dan (Rick Marotta)
- “Ceremony” - New Order (Stephen Morris)
- “Harborcoat” - R.E.M. (Bill Berry)
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
- poach eggs
- long division
- tap your phone
- moblog
- take no mess
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Friday, May 19th, 2006
- Kevin repeatedly leaves baby in ashtray at check cashing store
- Britney scores pyrrhic victory in tequila-soaked belly flop contest
- new sitter hastily hired in parking lot of Jack in the Box™
- baby’s favorite beer bong often loaded with unpalatably lukewarm Coors
- Kevin promises “that next li’l critter” as escrow toward new ATV
Posted in five things | Comments Off
Monday, May 15th, 2006
- “How Soon is Now?” / The Smiths
- “Blasphemous Rumors” / Depeche Mode
- “Uncertain Smile” / The The
- “If Only You Were Lonely” / The Replacements
- “The Killing Moon” / Echo & the Bunnymen
Posted in five things | Comments Off