Archive for the 'five things' Category
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
- “The Gates: An Essay in 5,200 Consecutive Photos”
- “My New Zune ‘Unboxing’”
- “Rhinoplasty Recovery, Day 5: Still All Purple”
- “Back Moles Resembling Notable Whigs”
- “Goatee Moods, Fall ‘04″
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Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
- the Leslie guitar effect
- the whole step key change on the last chorus
- the gong finale
- the “portamento” keyboard
- the vocoder introduction
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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
- sabre-toothed tiger
- Captain Crunch
- John the Baptist
- dwarf panda
- Casey Kasem
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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
- “Feeling That Way” by Journey
- “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin
- “You Spin Me Round” by Dead or Alive
- “Leave Me Alone” by New Order
- “Caravan” by Van Morrison
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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
- Kraft Catalina salad dressing
- Sprite
- Concord Grape jam
- Eggo toaster waffles
- Stove-top Stuffing (Chicken flavor)
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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
- Performance
- Excellence
- Mission Statement
- Synergy
- Enterprise
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Thursday, April 5th, 2007
- “Stunning”
- “You are a very beautiful young lady”
- “Please move to MY town! LOL!”
- “I love the color of your eyes”
- “Do you have a sister? Just kidding. Ha ha ha. ;-)”
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Thursday, April 5th, 2007
- your sideboard
- your clergyman
- your thoughts on transubstantiation
- your hypothalamus
- your ranch dressing mix
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Thursday, April 5th, 2007
- Working Class Dog by Rick Springfield
- Spring Session M by Missing Persons
- Too-Rye-Ay by Dexy’s Midnight Runners
- The Crossing by Big Country
- Candy-O by The Cars
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Monday, January 29th, 2007
- “Fade to Black” by Metallica
- “Is That Love?” by Squeeze
- The Star-Spangled Banner
- “Model Man” by King Crimson
- “Theme from Laverne & Shirley“
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Thursday, January 18th, 2007
- Tricia Helfer
- Evangeline Lilly
- Molly Parker
- Leslie Feist
- Joni Mitchell
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Thursday, January 18th, 2007
- Roy Clark
- Junior Samples
- Grandpa Jones
- the cartoon donkey
- Cathy Baker
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Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
- MC Chalk (because I’m brittle and very white)
- Professor Adipose
- Tavis D
- Sedentary Larry
- 2 Weak
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Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
- The Flickr
- The AIM
- The Jesus
- The Google
- The El Niño
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Monday, January 15th, 2007
- authentically behave as though you’re living in an unending Ronnie James Dio song
- renounce thermodynamics as prideful conceit borne of modern secular culture
- eat only animals that have appeared in Richard Scarry illustrations
- lick unused cutlery whenever people aren’t looking
- finally finish building backyard shrine to Karen Black
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Saturday, January 13th, 2007
- Li’l Plug
- Baloney Maurice
- Chicken Hitler
- Penis McGarnicle
- Nacho
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Saturday, January 13th, 2007
- shockmount
- ouroboros
- catastrophization
- peloton
- katoptronophilia
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Thursday, November 16th, 2006
- The Minders / Cul-de-Sacs & Dead Ends
- Basement Jaxx / Remedy
- Air / Premiers Symptomes
- Death Cab for Cutie / Something About Airplanes
- Chemical Brothers / Dig Your Own Hole
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Monday, November 13th, 2006
- B.F. Skinner’s Original Stuffers - The poultry skin of your choosing is stuffed with a la carte selections from “th’ fixin’s bar,” deep fried to a golden brown, and served with your choice of fun “Dippin’” sauces.
- Bobby B. Butterworth’s Old Fashioned Dairy Funshack - A frozen quarterpound stick of salted creamery butter is hand-battered, “flash fried,” and served with your choice of fun “Dippin’” sauces.
- Long John Silvers’ “Dripper” Hut - Offshoot of the fast-food seafood franchise offers “mini-buckets” of their leftover fried shortening flecks, served with your choice of fun “Dippin’” sauces.
- Mouth Meat Mel’s - 450º pizza — sure to immediately scald the roof of your mouth — is served with your choice of fun “Dippin’” sauces. (note: first-time members of “The Mel’s Mouth Meat Makers” receive a colorful “I damaged the delicate tissues of my mouth at Mel’s!” adhesive ribbon)
- Dippin’ Dippin’ Dippin’! - The “Dippin’” sauce of your choice is served with your choice of fun “Dippin’” sauces.
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Monday, October 23rd, 2006
- For large groups of trick-or-treaters, always set at least one child ablaze, ensuring enough light that other children won’t trip over uneven pavement.
- Only separate shards of X-Acto blades from rodent poison once you get home; doing so in the dark will lead to inevitable mixups and tummyaches for youngsters with allergies.
- If a home has its porch light off — but an expressionless face can be seen peering from a cellar window — consider limiting your child’s unattended visit with the resident to no more than four hours.
- If a close-fitting mask causes your child to fall down a well, use fishing line and a paper clip to retrieve her goodie bag. Nobody likes wet candy.
- Although children dressed as SS-Sturmbannführer Michael Lippert are not required to “pretend execute” children dressed as Ernst Röhm, many parents find this bit of theatricality kindles the spirit that makes Halloween such a delight.
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