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- Five inanimate objects that frequently seem annoyed with me
- Five terrible fake Jane Austen novels
- Five rejected names for Austin BBQ restaurants
- Five records I wish I could have sung backup on
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- Five things that should be issued to every American on his or her 14th birthday
- Five unusual Top Chef production crew titles
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- Five rejected titles for the latest Coldplay record
- Five rejected names for a single-serving meal product
- Five ways to leverage the mobile thinkosphere
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- Five rejected names for “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard
- Five cues that Robert Plant is ready to have sexual intercourse with you
- Five more terrible fake reality TV shows
- Five subtle changes in the event that Microsoft acquires Yahoo!
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- Five historical blog posts
- Five surprising things George Washington Carver made from peanuts
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- Five more terrible fake euphemisms for defecating (based on The Godfather series)
- Five things I still don’t really understand
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- Five pieces of fiction I’d enjoy hearing Wilford Brimley read aloud to me
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- Five songs I’d love to hear a couple use for the first dance at their wedding reception
- Five products on whose label Rachael Ray will eventually be featured, grinning maniacally
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- Five things of which I will never tire
- Five douchebag power tools
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- Five musical embellishments that should be used in moderation
- Five creatures I would depict interacting with one other if I ran a “Creationism Museum”
- Five songs to which I have a very clear recollection of french kissing in the 1980s
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- Five nouns from which it can be difficult to scrub the scent of utter bullshit
- Five Flickr comments left on the latest self-portrait of you staring slightly off-camera with your mouth open
- Five things, besides “your ride,” that you might wish to “pimp”
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- Five hip-hop pseudonyms I’ve considered for myself
- Five nouns to which I enjoy prepending an unnecessary definite article
- Five potentially novel new year’s resolutions
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- Five amazing Beatles bridges
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- Five terrible fake Morrissey songs
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- Five places where the burnouts would hang out and smoke in junior high
- Five things that make me smile
- Five songs I sometimes listen to on repeat for 20 minutes
- Five composers I’m glad never had to hear their work performed primarily as ear-screeching ringtones
- Five things I currently have no intention of doing
- Five things that aren’t particularly helping my nascent dharma practice
- Five songs I’ve completely obsessed over
- Five terrible fake “Morning Zoo” teams
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- Five things I had to keep explaining to the guy at REI
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- Five reasons the terrorists hate us (apart from “our freedom”)
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- Five things you can bring along to help make the party all about you
- Five people I’d love to observe trying to have dinner together
- Five more excellent public radio names
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- Five people I’m told I impersonate badly
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- Five notional movies that might not have gone over as well with fundamentalists
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- Five people of whom I confess to being a bit weary
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- Five thoughts on who “they” might be
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- Five things I have read repeatedly in the bathroom
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- Five user icons
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