Archive for July, 2004

Five things I enjoy that could reasonably lead you to conclude I’m a 13 year old girl

Monday, July 19th, 2004
  1. Sloan
  2. Gilmore Girls
  3. Gum
  4. Gossiping about celebrities
  5. LiveJournal

Five annoying San Franciscan habits

Monday, July 19th, 2004
  1. hissing
  2. eye-rolling
  3. leaving notes
  4. sighing
  5. randomly yelling “hate crime!”

Five songs I wish I could hear again for the first time

Monday, July 19th, 2004
  1. Shaking Through - R.E.M.
  2. In a Jar - Dinosaur Jr
  3. Pictures of Lily - The Who
  4. I Felt Like a Gringo - Minutemen
  5. My Big Mouth - The Posies

Five ways to save our kids from online porn

Monday, July 19th, 2004
  1. Ban homonyms and double entendres
  2. Require all porn sites be written in Esperanto
  3. Teach children that Jesus hates their dirty erections
  4. Nothing kills idle curiosity like chemical mace
  5. Trade family’s PC for equivalent value in strident religious tracts

Five films I’ll bet you liked a lot more than I did

Monday, July 19th, 2004
  1. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
  2. Mystic River
  3. Big Daddy
  4. Forrest Gump
  5. Those fucking Lord of the Rings movies

Five terrible fake fad diets

Monday, July 19th, 2004
  1. The Conifer Program - Consume nothing but pinecones on days with an “r” in them
  2. Swap Yourself Skinny- Wear a vest made of delicious smoky bacon; eat only poly-blend textiles and brass buttons
  3. Paper Thin - Gorge on all the white bond paper you like
  4. Roast n’ Row - Eat all the tasty prime rib you want (provided you’re rowing a boat at the time)
  5. Chet Atkins Diet - Eat nothing but vintage guitars; avoid picks