Archive for August, 2004
Saturday, August 28th, 2004
- Biplanes will soon glide gracefully between our great art deco skyscrapers
- In the very near future, rich white men will wear really gay pants
- When women become evil robots, they like to act kind of slutty and dance
- Workers of the year 2026 are in constant danger of being crushed under a pile of allegory
- What German actors lack in subtlety, they more than make up for in enthusiasm and interesting haircuts
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
- carefully stewarding my pallor
- repeatedly watching Law & Order: Special Victims Unit on the TiVo
- defecating indoors—copiously, often, and without queueing
- not tongue-kissing a sweaty Java programmer in clown makeup named “Shanti”
- wearing clothes—lots and lots of square, capitalist, heinous-body-covering clothes
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
- Cub Scouts (1976)
- Drum & Bugle Corps (1978)
- Diplomacy Club (1979)
- Special Olympics Club (1984)
- Key Club (1985)
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
- $20 no-name, cream-colored pseudo-Jaguar with a broken neck pickup and faux-walnut fretboard (1983)
- $150 Cimar Flying-V/Explorer bastardization (1984)
- Rickenbacker 660 electric 12-string (1988)
- busted-ass $200 Yamaha FG-340II acoustic [that I play to this day] (1988)
- Bacon Ray-era single-cutaway Epiphone Special II/VS (1997)
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
- Shoot at as high a resolution as is reasonable for your camera’s storage capacity
- Make sure the light is coming from behind you (and the brighter the better)
- Take two or more shots of each thing you photograph (you won’t believe how differently each turns out)
- Shoot all closeups of people from above and at a 45° downward angle (enlarges eyes, reduces “meatbeard”)
- When in doubt, use the slow-sync flash (aka “Rock and Roll Filter”)
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
- balsa wood toy airplanes
- long grain and wild rice
- Golden Books®
- novelty gifts, magic tricks, and small puzzles
- motivational posters and cassette tapes
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
- monetize
- “The Enterprise”
- mindshare
- net net
- capture eyeballs
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
- Flintstones chewable vitamins
- St. Joseph’s baby aspirin
- nauseating grownup multi-vitamins
- nasty, sour Bufferin
- those plaque pills that made your teeth all red
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
- Bubble Yum is made from spiders’ eggs
- Mikey died from mixing Pop-Rocks and Coke
- That one really weird teacher is “a gay”
- People get beheaded on Space Mountain, literally, every day
- One time, Rod Stewart drank a gallon of semen and totally had to have his stomach pumped
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- The Fallopian Follies
- The Clitoris Cycle
- An Evening Inside My Cervix
- The Ovary Improvisations
- Chattin’ with My Labia
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- spiders
- peppy morning news shows
- car fires
- arguing couples
- Krispy Kreme donut line
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- ironic trucker cap
- aviator sunglasses
- “vintage” t-shirt from Urban Outfitters
- cutesy truncated words (”obvs,” “whatevs,” et al.)
- back tattoos of fanciful creatures
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- Stripes
- Escape from New York
- Lipstick
- American Gigolo
- Up in Smoke
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- From how far away can the remote open the garage door? (just around the corner: about 150’)
- How long can I go without losing my Space Pen? (4.5 years)
- How many trays of ice cubes can I make in a day? (8)
- How fast can I drive to Trader Joe’s in Daly City? (11 minutes)
- How long can I go without watching a whole episode of Star Trek? (whole life, to date)
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- The Yearling (first movie that made me cry)
- Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein (first movie that terrified me)
- Blackbeard’s Ghost (first movie where I sat in the front row)
- E.T. (first movie during which I made out)
- Short Circuit 2 (first movie I walked out of)
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- new season of TV shows
- big-ass Sears Christmas catalogue
- Halloween
- fresh Duo-Tang folders
- impending birthday
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- hand claps
- tambourine
- horns
- “La La La”, high harmony, backup vocals
- ARP string ensemble
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- Plaza Swan Boats
- Monsanto 360
- The Enchanted Tiki Room
- Swiss Family Treehouse
- Tom Sawyer Island
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- bike helmets
- rolling book bags
- cell phones
- hand guns
- the f word
Posted in five things | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2004
- Highlights for Children
- Fisher-Price parking garage
- very hard plastic chairs
- sample illustrated Bible (with order cards inside cover)
- snot (both dried and fresh)
Posted in five things | No Comments »