Five things I’ll be doing while you’re at Burning Man

  1. carefully stewarding my pallor
  2. repeatedly watching Law & Order: Special Victims Unit on the TiVo
  3. defecating indoors—copiously, often, and without queueing
  4. not tongue-kissing a sweaty Java programmer in clown makeup named “Shanti”
  5. wearing clothes—lots and lots of square, capitalist, heinous-body-covering clothes
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