Monthly Archives: September 2004

Five things I suppose you could do to “the vote” if you ever tire of “rocking” it

  1. Broast the Vote!
  2. Pummel the Vote!
  3. Gently Strum the Vote!
  4. Benchpress the Vote!
  5. Botox the Vote!

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Five companies I suspect I may be the bitch of

  1. Gillette
  2. Apple
  3. Sprint
  4. Costco
  5. Trader Joe’s

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Five skills I’ve allowed to badly atrophy over the years

  1. wheelie popping
  2. snaking, loogie-hocking, and general spitting
  3. climbing and scaling
  4. ramp jumping
  5. snatching stacks of quarters from elbow (as seen on Happy Days)

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Five things it’s probably better not to do when you’re kind of drunk

  1. buy domain names
  2. hire an attorney
  3. do lots of file management from the command line
  4. sort out your finances
  5. telephone people you remember fondly from elementary school

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Five computer technologies I could really use in my physical office

  1. Exposé
  2. incremental searching
  3. undo
  4. sort by date (descending)
  5. cold reboot

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Five people whose death I wish I could have somberly mourned with an austere, one-line weblog post

  1. Spike Jones
  2. Jesse L. Weston
  3. Junior Samples
  4. Dean Atcheson
  5. Señor Wences

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Five things it would probably be disingenuous for me to rap about

  1. the streets
  2. my bitches
  3. thug life
  4. popping a cap in your ass
  5. my milkshake

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Five people I’m pretty sure could take me in a fight

  1. Studs Terkel
  2. Don Knotts
  3. Estelle Getty
  4. Walter Mondale
  5. The Late Ruth Gordon

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Five ass-related words I think I use a lot

  1. metric assload (n.) – a lot
  2. asshat (n.) – willfully ignorant person
  3. assy (adj.) – unacceptably low-quality
  4. big-ass (adj.) – large
  5. asstacular (adj.) – really bad

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Five annoyed San Franciscans you’ll meet in heaven

  1. frowning mom with tall latté and jog stroller
  2. bald, fifty-something massage therapist on recumbent bike
  3. vegan slam poet, hissing during movie trailers
  4. PETA hipster, physically disgusted at your “holocaust burger”
  5. pink-faced guy with chaps and big vein in forehead (and his quizzically identical partner)

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Five web widgets I wish I’d invested in last year

  1. #eeeeee
  2. diagonal lines
  3. centered ~700px content well
  4. “subtle” drop shadows
  5. un-bolded Georgia headings

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Five things that are getting under Zell Miller’s hide

  1. John Kerry openly supports difficult-to-open jars of hard candy
  2. Dueling pistols now stored behind the counter at the Wal-Mart
  3. Do-nothing liberal colleagues want to cut his generous coffee and Vivarin stipend
  4. That ole’ possum just keeps a’gettin’ into his seed corn
  5. Who keeps moving his slippers?

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