May 1st, 2006
- perches atop a Shoney’s salad bar (throughout busy Mother’s Day holiday)
- wedges deep in Ted Kennedy’s jowl (duration of lengthy filibuster)
- stands dutifully in line at the DMV (16 weeks)
- sealed in oversized Ziploc® bag; simply forgotten in back of fridge (2½ years)
- attends taping of Dr. Phil (60 minutes)
May 1st, 2006
- foxy boxing
- bitch slap
- jack-knifed big rig
- junk in the trunk
- hot stone massage
May 1st, 2006
- the carabiner
- the big-ass ring of keys
- the skateboard you never actually ride
- the shurikens
- the two-year-old condom
May 1st, 2006
- Diet Coke
- vim
- situps
- kale
- cats
April 11th, 2006
- “Rows Of Seated White Men Typing At Conferences”
- “My Underlit Dessert With One Bite Missing”
- “My Defenseless Child In A Funny Shirt I Made Him Wear”
- “Attractive Man In His Twenties Playing An Electric Guitar”
- “The Photo From This ‘Impromptu’ Self Portrait Series That Suggests I Don’t Have A Dewlap”
April 11th, 2006
- Might
- Ben is Dead
- Beer Frame
- Grand Royal
- Thrift Score
April 11th, 2006
- You Won’t See Me
- Here, There, and Everywhere
- I Feel Fine
- Help!
- We Can Work It Out
April 11th, 2006
- the muffintop
- the whale tail
- the be-ringed toe
- the back tattoo
- the pierced nostril
March 28th, 2006
- Bachelor in a Casserole
- The Swirling Clergyman’s Lament
- St. Sebastian’s Disused Quiver
- Dolorous Dolores
- Gracious Knows These Trousers Bind
March 28th, 2006
- completely
- kind of
- almost
- not at all
- figuratively
March 28th, 2006
- The Tree
- The Bridge
- The Pit
- outside the Red Baron
- Scott’s dad’s trailer
March 28th, 2006
- the little arrow in the FedEx logo
- elderly couples in matching outfits
- “You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice” by the Lovin’ Spoonful
- Candide
- Jack Horkheimer
February 22nd, 2006
- “North to Nothing” / The Wrens
- “Most People are DJs” / The Hold Steady
- “Only Shallow” / My Bloody Valentine
- “7/4 (Shoreline)” / Broken Social Scene
- “See That Girl” / Kirsty MacColl
February 20th, 2006
- Mozart
- Bizet
- Beethoven
- Bach
- Tupac
February 20th, 2006
- voting for Pedro
- doing the Dew
- getting vertical
- catching air
- nailing the 720
February 20th, 2006
- Amazon Prime
- no-foam soy lattes
- ubiquitous clocks
- Charles Shaw Cab Sav ($2/bottle)
- The House of Prime Rib
February 20th, 2006
- Stand and Deliver - Adam & the Ants - 1982
- So. Central Rain - R.E.M. - 1984
- Brand New Love - Sebadoh - 1993
- Listen to What the Man Said - Wings - 1975
- Makes No Sense at All - Hüsker Dü - 1985
February 9th, 2006
- Skirtbot’s Screaming Monkey Cage (featuring “Tiffany”)
- Tank and Fawn: The Q98 Dream Team
- Lesbo and Günther’s Drivetime Wacky Pack
- ¡Loco Pedro y El Pollo de la Mañana! (de Caliente 103)
- The Fart Factory
February 9th, 2006
- “Peg” by Steely Dan
- that dolorous “Magnadoodle” jingle
- “Tom Sawyer” by Rush
- “Cars” by Gary Numan
- a song I made up about Madeline that rhymes her last name with “sinus”
January 23rd, 2006
- I’ll mostly be seated and typing while I wear these shoes
- I very rarely leave the house
- There’s a paucity of rocks to climb in the Sunset District
- I’d prefer shoes that don’t look like “The Visible Man”
- These have more than enough “torsion control” for smoking cigars and walking to the Walgreens