Archive for December, 2003
Monday, December 29th, 2003
- Goin’ Nowhere
- Happy Right Here
- Basement Belters
- No Vistas
- In One Place
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Friday, December 26th, 2003
- USC - Had that marching band that played on Tusk (1979)
- Florida State - Brochure featured prominent photo of adorable blonde girl dressed like an indian (1984)
- Rollins - Heard classes were easy and underaged drinking was widely tolerated (1983)
- University of Florida - Orange and blue were my favorite colors, plus alligators are cool (1980)
- West Point - Everything seemed so tidy (1978)
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
- A Scaled-Down Christmas: Going Through the Motions with Martha Stewart
- The Town That Forgot to Ship Early
- Kazuki Takahashi’s© Yu-Gi-Oh™ Cardtastical Action Holiday Tournament®
- Rudolph’s Shiny New Prince Albert
- E!’s “Background Noise for Drinking Alone” Marathon
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
- To sing in perfect harmony (naturally)
- To use their turn signals
- To buy music and t-shirts from bands they like at live shows
- To offer their seats on MUNI to old Chinese ladies
- To give the whole “white hip-hop guy” thing a rest for a while
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
- Fiber Optic Angel (with five-color oscillating ass-wings)
- Celine Dion “Parfums”
- Neon Guitar Wall Art
- Electronic-Eye Santa (joylessly croaking “Ho, ho, ho” when it detects motion)
- Advanced Formula Toe Fungus Cream
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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
- Tom Arnold
- Tony Danza
- Kirstie Alley
- John Walsh
- All prop comics (except Rip Taylor)
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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
- You’ve been wanting to buy much wider groceries (but have been stymied by the timid width of your Escalade)
- You and your make-believe wife were thinking of having 11 or 12 imaginary kids
- You’re sick of always being the environment’s goddamned bitch
- You could totally put a keg back there and just drive around and shit
- They were all out of penises
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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
- My crappy BSR turntable played everything a full step too fast (1984)
- “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” is a dirty play on words (1987)
- New Order was mostly a disco band who stood very still (1989)
- “Expendable” apparently does not mean the same thing as “flexible” (1980)
- “Seals & Croft” and “Sid and Marty Krofft” have nothing in particular to do with one other (1978)
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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
- Stop apologizing for drinking at work
- Undertake some kind of faith-based initiative
- Start carrying a yoga mat everywhere
- Spearhead a trucker cap buy-back initiative
- Begin more publicly referring to myself in the third-person as “Daddy.”
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